本文作者是蘇州海歸學(xué)校高中部升學(xué)指導(dǎo)老師謝老師。在加入海歸前，他在北京清華附中擔(dān)任升學(xué)與生涯教師，今年已經(jīng)是他職業(yè)生涯的第11年。

在他多年的升學(xué)指導(dǎo)經(jīng)驗(yàn)中，已將120多名學(xué)生送往世界各地的理想大學(xué)，如芝加哥大學(xué)、普林斯頓大學(xué)、康奈爾大學(xué)、麻省理工等。

謝老師碩士畢業(yè)于哈佛大學(xué)。作為一名**且充滿熱情的升學(xué)指導(dǎo)老師、一名對(duì)文化交融與沖突有過深切感悟的“老留學(xué)生”，謝老師的加入無疑為海歸學(xué)子的升學(xué)之路提供了更多助力和保障。這個(gè)在學(xué)校開設(shè)的升學(xué)專欄，也許就是一個(gè)很好的開始。

學(xué)期伊始，專欄首篇，來聽謝老師聊聊——英國UCAS申請(qǐng)文書的開頭，要怎么寫?

建議大家收藏文章，以便溫習(xí)。

“UCAS文書要圍繞于學(xué)術(shù)”，這個(gè)觀點(diǎn)誤導(dǎo)了一些同學(xué)文書的寫作風(fēng)格。這句話其實(shí)本身沒錯(cuò)，因?yàn)橛臅褪侵饕鑼憣W(xué)生對(duì)于某專業(yè)領(lǐng)域的興趣，以及在相關(guān)學(xué)習(xí)經(jīng)歷中的成長(zhǎng)和思考，體現(xiàn)學(xué)科理解深度。況且它是一篇文書對(duì)應(yīng)多所學(xué)校，不是針對(duì)某一學(xué)校的情書，而是對(duì)多個(gè)目標(biāo)的表白。這么看來是比較渣的，但這也是英國申請(qǐng)的特點(diǎn)。

本次我們來討論一下文章如何開頭。開頭是**印象，好比生意開張的剪彩儀式。有吸引力的開頭，會(huì)為我們的文章增色不少。

光講道理沒用，我們要拿證據(jù)說話。在總結(jié)道理前，我們先看幾篇不同專業(yè)英國文書的開頭，來參考一下他們是怎么寫的。

以下我們將看到的所有文書，來自于《UCAS Personal Statement Guide》, 作者Rohan Agarwal為劍橋大學(xué)生理學(xué)教師，出版過超過75本關(guān)于錄取考試以及面試的書籍。我們從案例中挑選的基本都是獲得英國知名院校錄取的學(xué)生文書。當(dāng)然，大家不要認(rèn)為錄取就是靠這篇文書，盡管它比較重要。另一方面，即便一篇文章的作者獲得了很好的錄取，也不見得就是因?yàn)槲臅鴮懙谩]有錄取牛劍，不代表文書沒寫到位，畢竟英國申請(qǐng)最為看重學(xué)術(shù)成績(jī)。沒有的文書，只有更好的文書。我們能做的，是針對(duì)性分析文書特點(diǎn)，將我們的文章改得更好。

范文分析Ⅰ ：藥學(xué)專業(yè)

一篇申請(qǐng)藥學(xué)專業(yè)的文書開頭：

Helping to care for children during work experience this summer at an HIV clinic has strengthened my determination to pursue a career in medicine. It was emotionally challenging to witness children suffering, but I was inspired by the tremendous efforts of the team to help improve the lives of their patients.

這個(gè)開頭不是非常理想。從內(nèi)容中，可看出作者說自己對(duì)醫(yī)學(xué)的興趣因?yàn)檫@次實(shí)習(xí)經(jīng)歷提升了，而并沒有說明自己學(xué)醫(yī)的初始動(dòng)機(jī)來自于哪里。

再看另一篇，同樣申請(qǐng)Medicine專業(yè)的文書：

“I haven’t eaten all day and I don’t know if I will last the night.” This is one of forty similar messages left within an hour on my house answering machine and was one of the first signs of my Grandma’s dementia. I began to read books on dementia as she deteriorated further which helped us cope with the challenges ahead. She has been diagnosed with Vascular Dimentia and our family has been in close contact with Primary Care and the community mental health team. I was moved by their compassion and unique work ethic, which motivated me to purse a career in Medicine.

從這開頭段可看出，這個(gè)學(xué)生對(duì)藥學(xué)的興趣是源于其生活的。為了幫助親人緩解病痛，他開始研究藥學(xué)相關(guān)的知識(shí)。

有同學(xué)可能有疑問：這么寫不是像小學(xué)生作文嗎?“我家人生病，就從此立志從醫(yī)。” 這個(gè)橋段有些小學(xué)生作文應(yīng)該都用過，在UCAS文書這么寫，會(huì)不會(huì)減分呢?

我們先看看，老外是怎么點(diǎn)評(píng)這個(gè)開頭的：

“Excellent personal entry into the statement. Giving insight into what motivates the student to pursue a career in medicine is centrally important.”

“The strengths definitely lie in the personal touch with the motivation to study medicine.”

兩個(gè)評(píng)價(jià)，對(duì)于這個(gè)開頭都非常積極。并且在兩個(gè)評(píng)語中，我們看到了重要的詞——“personal”. UCAS文書是一篇personal statement，其次才是一篇學(xué)術(shù)興趣論述。

這個(gè)開頭之所以沒有像小學(xué)生作文那樣陳詞濫調(diào)，是源于它樸實(shí)的口吻。作者并沒有說因家人生病，自己就立大志向。比如做個(gè)好醫(yī)生，或者做科學(xué)家攻克疑難雜癥。他只是樸實(shí)的說“…motivated me to pursue a career in medicine.”這樣就顯得非常真實(shí)可信，并不尷尬。口氣越大，往往越不真實(shí)。此外，文章首句提供的答錄機(jī)的細(xì)節(jié)，也強(qiáng)化了經(jīng)歷的真實(shí)性。

范文分析Ⅱ：歷史專業(yè)

我們?cè)倏磧蓚€(gè)歷史專業(yè)的申請(qǐng)文書，看看它們的開頭和以上展示的兩個(gè)例子有何共性：

When recently asked to imagine a world without history, I found it difficult. For me there is nothing more relevant to understanding and explaining humanity than the study of history, and it has been something I have explored and enjoyed from an early age. At nine I remember being puzzled when my German friend visited and she was shocked by how much tea we drank. It hadn’t crossed my mind that her family didn’t as well, but upon investigation I found I’d stumbled upon a very British stereotype. My curiosity was aroused. It was a while before I discovered the East India Trading Company, and how their record imports of tea facilitated the birth of tea culture in Britain, but when I did I was fascinated.

作者講了童年朋友來訪，驚訝于自己家庭喝茶文化的經(jīng)歷，從而引出自己對(duì)歷史的興趣在于該學(xué)科對(duì)于人性和人類文化的研究。

點(diǎn)評(píng)中說道：

“The statement has a very honest, compelling opening. What makes this statement particularly interesting is the personal, anecdotal quality to it; this makes it stand out compared to all the other, more analytical, statements.”

這段內(nèi)容依然很樸實(shí)，作者用一個(gè)很普通的童年經(jīng)歷，引出自己對(duì)于歷史的興趣。屬于個(gè)人的經(jīng)歷都是無法復(fù)制的，也是每個(gè)作者都獨(dú)有的。

相對(duì)的，我們?cè)倏匆粋€(gè)評(píng)價(jià)并不好的開頭：

History is a subject which has always fascinated me. In my opinion, History cannot be treated as a completely separate domain; it is closely linked to other subjects such as Politics, Economics, Geography, Sociology and Philosophy. For instance, one cannot discuss the causes of WW2 without taking into account the development of radical ideologies, the economic weakness of Germany, Stalin’s politics aiming to create a “buffer” of friendly states separating Russa from Europe etc.

很明顯，我們無法從這個(gè)開頭中看出來，作者的喜歡歷史的動(dòng)機(jī)是什么，他只是陳述了history has always fascinated me. 接下來，就是大段陳述“歷史觀”，像不像在做PPT陳述?

對(duì)于這個(gè)開頭的點(diǎn)評(píng)，也指出了它的問題所在：

“The first paragraph is weak- it starts cliched and goes on to a list; this is not likely to fair well. It has no draw for the reader and does not really explain why history-rather than the other disciplines listed-interests the student.”

沒有出彩的經(jīng)歷，如何寫開頭?

有同學(xué)可能說，我沒遇到什么特別的、出彩的、激發(fā)我對(duì)某學(xué)科產(chǎn)生興趣的經(jīng)歷。可能你的興趣來自于潛移默化的影響，比如可能來自一系列、一段時(shí)期的學(xué)術(shù)經(jīng)歷的綜合，或者是對(duì)很多專業(yè)權(quán)衡比較后的結(jié)果。或者很不幸，是家長(zhǎng)讓你選的，等等。

實(shí)在沒具體故事寫該怎么辦呢?我們來看看這個(gè)開頭：

For me medicine offers an academically and mentally challenging profession which amalgamates my fascination with the human body and my desire to work with a variety of individuals with their own individual problems on a day to day basis. It offers a chance to make a real difference to the lives of others.

作者使用概括性的方式，把自己對(duì)醫(yī)學(xué)哪些方面感興趣列舉了出來：human body, desire to work with a variety of individuals。段落的核心依舊是“我的興趣”，并沒有偏離到“醫(yī)學(xué)是什么”這個(gè)方面。而且，在最后一句話中，還提到了自己選擇該專業(yè)的志向：make a real difference to the lives of others. 雖然我個(gè)人不太喜歡這種表達(dá)方法，這個(gè)開頭也算是將“喜歡什么”和“未來志向”都表達(dá)出來了，可惜的是沒有說明自己的“學(xué)習(xí)動(dòng)機(jī)”。

此外，這個(gè)開頭句實(shí)在太長(zhǎng)了，整個(gè)**段才兩句話，這個(gè)安排并不是很合理。

但值得一提的是，這篇文章之后的段落非常好，將開頭的瑕疵補(bǔ)償了，學(xué)生也獲得了比較好的錄取結(jié)果。如果你開頭實(shí)在覺得困難，很難寫得精彩，也不用過于擔(dān)心，只要避免我們本文講到的錯(cuò)誤就可以。

回到這個(gè)話題，我們看一篇經(jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)的文章開頭。如果你的專業(yè)興趣源于校內(nèi)科目學(xué)習(xí)，看看當(dāng)興趣源于學(xué)習(xí)時(shí)，該能怎么寫開頭。

My motivation to study economics actually came as a surprise, as I had expected the subject would be mainly concerned with acquiring money. However, from our first lesson I realized that economics is truly about maximizing the happiness of society. Good economists advocating politics which are just a fraction more effective can make positive differences to the lives of huge numbers of people. This is what excites me about economics, and constantly thinking in terms of economics has become second nature to me…..

這個(gè)開頭非常不錯(cuò)。為何經(jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)有趣呢?因?yàn)樗蚱屏俗髡邔?duì)于經(jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)的刻板印象——原以為它只跟賺錢有關(guān)。動(dòng)機(jī)源于好奇心，非常不錯(cuò)。接著作者通過引入自己上課學(xué)到的知識(shí)，繼續(xù)表達(dá)了自己對(duì)學(xué)科的興趣。

最為重要的，是作者用的兩個(gè)看起來普通，但傳達(dá)意思很重要的短語：

…..from our first lesson I realized that economics is truly……

……This is what excites me about economics…….

經(jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)是個(gè)*羅萬象的學(xué)科，很難用一句話來概括它。作者通過兩個(gè)表達(dá)個(gè)人理解和興趣的短語，解釋清楚了“自己”作為個(gè)體，對(duì)該學(xué)科的興趣。既簡(jiǎn)潔，又客觀謙虛，值得我們學(xué)習(xí)。

再看一個(gè)經(jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)的：

My interest in economics has grown out of two diverse sources. One the one hand, an international perspective and a critical attitude to global issues is my lucky inheritance, given my mother’s engagement in international media and my father’s interest in Latin American culture....On the other hand, from an early age I enjoyed the benefits of having an aptitude for mathematics and the pleasure of abstract problem solving…….

說說優(yōu)點(diǎn)。**，動(dòng)機(jī)描述很簡(jiǎn)潔：My interest in economics has grown out of…. 第二，比較personal,從自己的家庭環(huán)境影響，以及自己對(duì)數(shù)學(xué)的興趣兩方面描述，進(jìn)行了融合。

缺點(diǎn)有一個(gè)，開頭用了一個(gè)“陳詞濫調(diào)”—from an early age. 用中文講，就是這孩子打小聰明。模糊的時(shí)間節(jié)點(diǎn)，一方面不真實(shí)，一方面太多人這么寫了。如果作者可以把它換成在數(shù)學(xué)課上產(chǎn)生的興趣，就更為好。

總結(jié)

開頭方法很多種，但核心要回答的問題只有兩個(gè)：

1. 你為什么要選擇這個(gè)學(xué)科?——這個(gè)學(xué)科是什么?

2. 你的動(dòng)機(jī)源自何處?——個(gè)人經(jīng)歷?家庭環(huán)境?課后思考?一本書?

開頭常見問題：

1. 學(xué)科科普，介紹這個(gè)學(xué)科是什么。你不是百科全書，招生官?zèng)]準(zhǔn)懂得比你多。

2. 陳詞濫調(diào)：用from an early age/ a young age, 講自己打小就感興趣。

3. 只描述興趣，不描述動(dòng)機(jī)。可以簡(jiǎn)單到一句話的事，沒多少字。

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